It’s just a sock let it go…

i'm not good at breakups

So recently I ended things with this guy I’ve been seeing. It’s something I’ve been feeling like needed and wanted to happen for a long time. I never felt like he understood me truly and we were just in different areas of our lives. But I still feel so weird about it like I’m forgetting something, I don’t know if it’s me trying to find reasons to text him or call him back. I don’t know if it’s this sense of closure, of letting it go, that I’m just quite not feeling yet. Here let me describe how everything’s going down in my head right now.

I went through the list of “if” I left anything over at his house. Knowing and picking up just a couple of nights ago a dog toy that my dog just needed. So now I’m like, clothes, check, tech, check, beauty stuff, check.

Wait… what about any socks, I could be missing a very important sock that I’ve had for such a long time that I need but only seemed to remember right now at this instance. Let me check if I have my socks that were gifted to me from my university when I was accepted.

Ope there is one, WAIT where’s the other? I have to go through all of my clothes and ruin my room that I just cleaned at 10 pm just to look for this other pair. I’m still not finding it, let me ask my family.

Nope.

Ok, I guess I need to either get over it or contact him to get this other sock. Like I need it, I’ve had it for 6 years, it’s special to me, and I definitely don’t want to lose a sock over a man. Crazy right?

Life is about letting things go, moving on, and learning from the experience. But I always think I’m somehow the exception. I need to keep everything ever gifted to me as a keepsake. My children will want to know that their mother was loved, right?

Recently to help me sleep I’ve been going through a list of things I’ve lost or misplaced that meant something to me. I need that reminder that it's okay.

I still went to his place to look, though. All it did was make me feel worse, like reopening a wound that hasn’t healed yet. I’ve never been good at saying goodbyes. People (ones that I care about) in my life tend to come back around no matter what, so I’ve never truly learned how to say goodbye. And even now, I still leave that door open or at least ajar for him.

I know we’re not compatible but I…

I can’t say goodbye and I know it’s a problem I’m working on it in therapy.